Disclaimer: I've stolen topics from my friend Laura's blog before and I'm doing it again. Sorry Laur!
Here's the issue - Laura had a few posts about raising a daughter and a son in an environment where they can feel free to be who they are and not be pressured by the media, toy-makers, etc. to be stereotypically "boy" or "girl." The ensuing discussion on the comment board was awesome. On the last post about it Laur made the point that they have toys that are geared at boys and ones geared at girls, and both kids play with each. That got me thinking about how our house will be different, being that we will have two boys. I didn't want to post that on Laur's blog since it's a problem unique to our family, not hers, so I'm moving it over here.
Our house has a LOT of cars, super-heroes, trucks, balls, and blocks. We do have a baby-doll for Jack, and will be getting another that he gets to bring home from the hospital with him. I got him a pink stroller for his baby, he has dress-up women's shoes that he plays with, and he watches Cinderella. Chuck and I make a concerted effort to let him cry when he needs to, to cuddle with him as much as possible, to have a blankie or animal that he uses for comfort. We aren't the parents who tell him that he's crying like a girl (I've actually heard parents say that to their kids and it makes me cringe).
I worry, though, that since Jack and his baby brother won't be in a house with a little girl, they won't be as exposed to dolls, ballets, kitchen toys, etc.
I'm torn on this subject. I mean, my brother and I are definitely NOT the stereotyped boy and girl. But is that because we were raised with each other and around each other's things? If I had been a boy or Ryan had been a girl, would we have behaved more similarly and more closely along society's images of gender roles? Also, does it really matter? So what if Jack grows up to be a man's man (what does that even mean)? As long as he feels comfortable with that and is being true to himself it doesn't really matter. We'll be supportive and open to whatever happens, but we want to make sure we've established a household that they both feel comfortable exploring who they are and what they are interested in.
Anyway, Chuck and I are always interested to hear what others think about this subject. So fire away!
3 comments:
Well here's my take on that subject. I made a superhuman effort to keep our toy supply (and most baby clothes) gender-neutral. Kaya wasn't even allowed to LOOK at a Barbie, much less own one, until a certain family member broke my rule when she was 5.
What became of it? The most girly girl possible (pink hair, cute earrings, fashion conscious, nail polish, purses, shoe obsession, etc.) and a very boy little boy (cars, trucks, farting, cars, baseball, soccer, dirt, bugs, cars, other bodily functions). As toddlers Kaya would only play with dolls and dress-up, and Buster would only do cars and tractors. Despite abundant supplies of the opposite.
So the experiment did NOT WORK in my house!
I was going to call Christi out as a case study in my post but I didn't. I'm glad you did. Your family has made a very convincing case for the power of nature over nurture. But Joshie still got to SEE all of Kaya's toys and then choose not to play with them. I think that makes you even more sure that they both have really tapped in to what is comfortable for them. I want my kids to have the same opportunity. I'm over analyzing, I know. What's new?
Sorry I didn't comment sooner, even though you know I'm very interested in the topic! (Computer was in the shop.) Anyway, I think daycare helps a lot with the exposure to new and different toys. I know I've seen Jack dressed in heels and carrying a purse, pushing a grocery cart around the daycare room. I've seen Siena do the same, and then I've also seen Jack hard at work with the hammer and saw while Siena played "princess." Some of their games fit the stereotypes, some remind you that they don't even know what stereotypes are yet. (Why shouldn't Jack wear the sparkly heels? They're the coolest.)
I think buying a baby doll is a great way to prepare any kid to become an older sibling. I think having friends of the opposite sex is a great way for kids to learn that boys and girls can have lots of interests in common. And I think if you ever want to bring some bright pink girly gear into your home, just to see what happens, we'd be more than happy to fill a truck with some of the crap we have lying around and donate it to your cause! Just say the word. How's tomorrow?
Post a Comment