It seems appropriate that I should blog about the Connecticut tragedy, although I'm sure it'll be exceedingly random and frustratingly rambling.
First, all of these sorts of tragedies (and it sucks that there are enough of them to warrant a statement like "all of these sorts") make me sad. But this one. This one hit really close to home. I don't think I've shed tears over any of the other ones. But this one. I cried like a baby. I teared up on my way in to the school to get Jack from afterschool care. I cried watching Obama's press conference. I cried when Chuck brought Ryker home. I cried harder when Ryker pulled an attitude and wouldn't let me hug him.
This one hits ridiculously close to home. It struck me in a very sensorial (is that a word?) kind of way. I know what small kids look like and sound like when they are scared. I can picture it. I have a first grader. I know what first grade classrooms look like, sound like, smell like. I grew up in them because my mom was a first grade teacher, and I'm in one all the time now with Jack. I can picture that too. It also hit me as a person who has a mental health diagnosis myself, and as the mom of a kid who has some special needs that we're addressing with a counselor. So yeah, this one hit me hard.
There seem to be two general camps right now. One believes this is all about gun control. The other believes it's all about access to mental health care. I believe it's both. There are so many people who NEED care and who either can't get it, can't afford it, or just don't seek it out because of the stigma. I pay a LOT of money to see a counselor, and I am fortunate enough not to need to see him as often as some people do. Mental health care has got to change. Gun reform needs to happen. But I'm gonna steal from Morgan Freeman here. He said that the media's coverage, and our consumption, of these events is what tees the next one up. We treat it like it's a contest. This one "ranks" second. RANKS? We know the names of the shooters of Columbine, but try to name ONE victim... Can you? I can't.
Then there's the desensitization of our kids to violence. Today I was at a bowling party for Jack's classmate. The kids got bored after about the 6th frame and started chasing each other with their fingers pointed like guns, making shooting sounds. The ones that got "hit" put their hands around their throats, made choking noises, and then dropped to the ground laughing. The mom of the birthday boy and I were not okay with this, and spent the rest of the time keeping them from doing it. Jack and I left there and went to the library, where we saw a boy playing a computer game wherein he held a rifle and walked through a building shooting people. His dad was there watching him.
So many things are independently broken, but they are connected and together they have created a massive problem. And our babies and our nation are in trouble because of it. My heart hurts. All I know to do is help my children be good people, deal with their anger and sensitivity issues. I can be an advocate for destigmatizing mental illness. I can help my kids understand that kindness is key, and that violence is not an answer. And I can support anyone who needs it. (I just wrote a note to Jack's teacher saying I wasn't sure how this was hitting her, as a first grade teacher and mother, but that I hope she knows how much we all support her and are grateful that we can entrust our children to her every single day.)
I'll leave you with a random, goofy list to lighten things up.
Things I Never Thought I Would Have to Say, or Hear:
1. me: "Ryker, why are you bringing pencils to your bath?"
2. Jackson: "Mom, so you know how in Latin, ...."
3. me: "Ryker, stop combing your foot."
4. Jackson (at 7, remember): "Mom, can I please watch that program on King Tut An Khamun?"
5. Chuck: "Don't you want to rent Magic Mike in HD?"
6. me: "Ryker, do you think that prisoners get to play Pokemon?"
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Bad Blogger
2 months since my last post? Really??? Crap. Sorry y'all.
Okay, we'll do this update-style. It's gonna read a little like a novel and a little like a newsletter.
Ryker:
He had his holiday performance this week. Always a highlight, and also a surprise because we're never sure if he's going to stand perfectly still and not say a word or if he's going to sing his heart out. This time around, it was the latter. He ROCKED it, which is funny given that a few weeks ago he asked me to legally change his name to Rockstar.
He continues to be hilarious at home, loves singing and dancing and being a goof. He has learned to write his name, both forwards and normal-looking and backwards and mirror-imaged. I have no idea why he does that or how he taught himself but it's kind of interesting to watch him do it. YOU try to write your name in a mirror-image. Not easy.
We had a bit of a behavior situation with him for awhile, but nothing that a cubic-ton of stickers and some parental strategy couldn't fix. Knock on wood, but I think we've handled it.
Jackson:
He is rocking the faster pace at Seven Hills, but also seems bored still. And when Jack gets bored, it's not a pretty picture. His teacher is awesome and has regular communication with me so we're working on it, but the kid is just too bright and too easily frustrated for his own good. We are working with him on it. He is writing a ton, reading some, and creating his own math problems. The other day we were playing with cars and he told me he wanted us to take turns and then explain why our cars went the distance they went. (Chuck works in analytics.) So we did that and then I told him about the marble shooter my friend and I made in high school and he patiently listened and then told me exactly how I could have made it better.
The other side of Jack - when he's not bored or dealing with some frustrations - is this amazingly sweet and thoughtful and caring little man. He wrote me the cutest note the other night, as well as one for Chuck and one for Ryker. Then another night I went to bed and tripped over a note he taped to the carpet for me to find. It was for my buddy Sean, who is really sick and has been for awhile. We talk about Sean and his family a lot, but hadn't talked about him for awhile. The note was addressed to Sean and told him that he hopes he feels better soon and that he knows he can do it! Soooo sweet.
He, too, had a performance at school. It was awesome. He was nervous but got up and sang and did his thing. So proud! Ryker about had a coronary when he spotted him. He is literally a head taller than everyone else, so he's not hard to spot. Plus he's the adorable one.
Siblings:
They are brothers and they act like it. Case in point, I'm sitting here blogging and Chuck comes out and tells me that when he was driving the kids to his holiday party tonight Jack was going "Abracadabra - poof - ..." and then making things disappear. Then he goes "Abracadabra - poof! Ryker's not annoying!" Not the nicest thing to say, I know. Ryker cracks up laughing and goes "hahahaha - I'm STILL annoying!" then waits a few beats and then goes "you're not cool."
So yeah. We deal with a lot of that sort of thing, and try really hard not to laugh.
Chuck:
Chuck's on this crazy weigh-loss tear. He's working hard and now having to buy all new clothes because he doesn't fit into anything anymore. Work is good. We are maybe going to have to buy a new car, so he spends a bunch of time looking at those and trying not to stress about taking on a car payment. We got to go on a vacation a few weeks back (thanks Grandmommy!) and had a very nice, relaxing, quiet weekend at a lake in central Minnesota. Ahhhh.
Me:
The kids' stuff is listed above, but obviously it takes a lot of energy to keep up with both of them and help them through their behavior stuff.
I continue to be amazingly grateful to have the friends that I do (hi friends!) and my fun and supportive and awesome family (hi family!). And I've made some new friends, which is awesome and fun and they are just about the coolest people on the planet.
Work is nuts. Absolutely nuts. I've spent the last week hanging out with a world-renowned culinary historian who happens to be the world's nicest and most interesting man. He took a shining to me and I think I now have a place to stay in England whenever I get over there. I learned to make Grand Sallets, Taffety Tarts, and some sort of very firm marmalade. I learned how one would have eaten in the Tudor era, and I also got to hang out with one of our amazing trustees and her husband and it was awesome. I'm crazy, crazy busy though, and exhausted.
So yeah, that's about it. Happy Holidays to all of you if I don't post before then!
Okay, we'll do this update-style. It's gonna read a little like a novel and a little like a newsletter.
Ryker:
He had his holiday performance this week. Always a highlight, and also a surprise because we're never sure if he's going to stand perfectly still and not say a word or if he's going to sing his heart out. This time around, it was the latter. He ROCKED it, which is funny given that a few weeks ago he asked me to legally change his name to Rockstar.
He continues to be hilarious at home, loves singing and dancing and being a goof. He has learned to write his name, both forwards and normal-looking and backwards and mirror-imaged. I have no idea why he does that or how he taught himself but it's kind of interesting to watch him do it. YOU try to write your name in a mirror-image. Not easy.
We had a bit of a behavior situation with him for awhile, but nothing that a cubic-ton of stickers and some parental strategy couldn't fix. Knock on wood, but I think we've handled it.
Jackson:
He is rocking the faster pace at Seven Hills, but also seems bored still. And when Jack gets bored, it's not a pretty picture. His teacher is awesome and has regular communication with me so we're working on it, but the kid is just too bright and too easily frustrated for his own good. We are working with him on it. He is writing a ton, reading some, and creating his own math problems. The other day we were playing with cars and he told me he wanted us to take turns and then explain why our cars went the distance they went. (Chuck works in analytics.) So we did that and then I told him about the marble shooter my friend and I made in high school and he patiently listened and then told me exactly how I could have made it better.
The other side of Jack - when he's not bored or dealing with some frustrations - is this amazingly sweet and thoughtful and caring little man. He wrote me the cutest note the other night, as well as one for Chuck and one for Ryker. Then another night I went to bed and tripped over a note he taped to the carpet for me to find. It was for my buddy Sean, who is really sick and has been for awhile. We talk about Sean and his family a lot, but hadn't talked about him for awhile. The note was addressed to Sean and told him that he hopes he feels better soon and that he knows he can do it! Soooo sweet.
He, too, had a performance at school. It was awesome. He was nervous but got up and sang and did his thing. So proud! Ryker about had a coronary when he spotted him. He is literally a head taller than everyone else, so he's not hard to spot. Plus he's the adorable one.
Siblings:
They are brothers and they act like it. Case in point, I'm sitting here blogging and Chuck comes out and tells me that when he was driving the kids to his holiday party tonight Jack was going "Abracadabra - poof - ..." and then making things disappear. Then he goes "Abracadabra - poof! Ryker's not annoying!" Not the nicest thing to say, I know. Ryker cracks up laughing and goes "hahahaha - I'm STILL annoying!" then waits a few beats and then goes "you're not cool."
So yeah. We deal with a lot of that sort of thing, and try really hard not to laugh.
Chuck:
Chuck's on this crazy weigh-loss tear. He's working hard and now having to buy all new clothes because he doesn't fit into anything anymore. Work is good. We are maybe going to have to buy a new car, so he spends a bunch of time looking at those and trying not to stress about taking on a car payment. We got to go on a vacation a few weeks back (thanks Grandmommy!) and had a very nice, relaxing, quiet weekend at a lake in central Minnesota. Ahhhh.
Me:
The kids' stuff is listed above, but obviously it takes a lot of energy to keep up with both of them and help them through their behavior stuff.
I continue to be amazingly grateful to have the friends that I do (hi friends!) and my fun and supportive and awesome family (hi family!). And I've made some new friends, which is awesome and fun and they are just about the coolest people on the planet.
Work is nuts. Absolutely nuts. I've spent the last week hanging out with a world-renowned culinary historian who happens to be the world's nicest and most interesting man. He took a shining to me and I think I now have a place to stay in England whenever I get over there. I learned to make Grand Sallets, Taffety Tarts, and some sort of very firm marmalade. I learned how one would have eaten in the Tudor era, and I also got to hang out with one of our amazing trustees and her husband and it was awesome. I'm crazy, crazy busy though, and exhausted.
So yeah, that's about it. Happy Holidays to all of you if I don't post before then!
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