Reasons We Loved This Weekend

Well we've reached the conclusion of Ryker's Birthday Weekend. Following are the reasons each of us LOVED it.

Ryker: Ryker was the birthday boy. He loved the attention, the presents, and the cake he got to shove into his face. He loves his new presents, and is completely smitten with his new HUGE bouncy ball. "Ball - KICK! MY ball! You weddy? I weddy. KICK!" is all we've heard for the last 28 hours. It's gone everywhere with him -- served as a baseball, a soccer ball, a basketball, a chair, and a pillow when he got tired.

Jackson: Jack loved the weekend because he pretty much thought it was HIS party. He actually called it that several times. He got some good Grandpa time, including ice cream at 10 this morning! He also helped Grandpa shop for Ryker, and picked something for himself. Thus, we are now the proud new owners of a big talking Woody doll and Buzz Lightyear. Both kids LOVE them.

Chuck and me: We loved having people here, getting to see old friends again and gathering part of the Chrysalis crew again. I love having a deadline by which to clean our house, and continue to bask in the glory of a house sans tumbling hair and dust balls. We also enjoyed getting to eat something other than brats. (We had eaten them for almost every dinner last week in our efforts to not spend money. The culmination was eating them Thursday night with no buns because we used the last of the buns to make Ryker a PB&J for his lunch, which we had to do because Tugboat had eaten the last of our loaf of bread.) But I'm not gonna lie, my favorite part of the whole weekend might have been the three hour nap I got to take today.

Grandpa: Speaking for him, I think Grandpa loved the weekend because he got to spend good time with all of us, particularly Jackson and Ryker. He got to check off one of the food items he's had listed in his phone since seeing it on TV - the Juicy Lucy - via dinner last night. It didn't disappoint. And despite an unfortunate situation with his own alarm clock at the hotel (which played all night at such a low level that he was convinced it was his neighbor's), I think he got some good rest in.

Grandmommy: Again, speaking for someone else (it's a blog - isn't that part of the definition?), I think my mom had a good time hanging out with all of the family and friends that were over this weekend. We got to eat at QCumbers, which was yummy and fun even though she had to keep Jackson and me from freaking out as we almost got hit by a tornado while IN the restaurant (which happens to be a circular space encased in floor to ceiling windows. I'm just sayin'.). She happened to also have an unfortunate sleeping situation, as she was bombarded by balloons being sucked into the ceiling fan and then shot down at her head at 3am., but I think she had a good time anyway.

Tugboat and Kitty: They did NOT enjoy the weekend. I didn't see the kitty most of the weekend because she was hiding from everyone. Tug was not hiding, but was relegated to the garage during the party. Once she was let indoors, she had to endure Tow Mater flying into her paws and Ryker hitting her on the head with his new ball. She's passed out right now.

Pre-Birthday

It's Ryker's Birthday Eve. If you missed his birth story, or are named Grandmommy and want to reread it, here it is:

http://sheand3hes.blogspot.com/2009/06/happy-birthday-ryker.html

I'm so proud of our little baby.

Ryker has grown into quite a funny, talkative, confident little boy. He tried to read me his book tonight. He can tell you that he's two. He speaks in sentences. He is persistent.

What I really love about him right now is how lovey he is. He flirts, bats his eyelashes, smiles coyly, loves to be held and to hold hands. He gives his baby (or "mah bay bee" if you're Ryk) hugs and kisses. He gives Jack a big hug before bed every night. "Nigh nigh Joshun."

So tonight I'm reflecting on the last two years and how much joy Ryker has brought to our lives. Thanks big guy.

And all at once...

...it came tumbling down. Or so it seems right now.

Chuck got laid off yesterday.

It's weird how you can leave the house in one position and come home in a totally different one. Or get over one major hurdle and think it's relatively clear sailing, just to have another one pop up.

So here we go.

We've done this before. Chuck was with a company that pretty much capsized. We made it through that, with my decently low non-profit salary. And we managed to keep putting money towards retirement through that. Chuck and I KNOW how to batten down the hatches.

Anyway, I'll keep this short. But any of you loyal readers out there who know of marketing or product management jobs, BOY have I got the BEST employee for YOU! And he's CUTE too.

My Neighborhood

I've written about my awesome, awesome neighbors, the Hayes'. I don't think I've written about the rest of the neighbors.

Like the neighbor with the chihuahua that won't shut up. I have never heard that dog bark during the day. Only at 10pm. And the dog doesn't just bark at a normal pace. He barks and then he stops barking and then he lulls you into thinking he's all done being pissy ... andthenhebarksandbarksandbarks ... and then he stops. Have you ever tried to fall asleep while a tiny dog taunts you? Sucks. (Okay, I don't really know if it's a chihuahua but that's what I imagine he is when I think of 101 ways to off him.)

There's a retired fire fighter who has had his house on the market for two years now, and who drinks really heavily, then picks fights about politics with anyone who is still up.

Then there is the man who wears tight jeans and a leather vest and drives a huge diesel truck. That wouldn't be that weird. Here's the weird part - he leaves his house (which everyone in a 20 mile radius can hear because of the ridiculously loud engine) and returns MAYBE three minutes later. What can you drive to, do something at, and drive back from in three minutes? And he does this multiple times every single day.

Oh, and how about the middle-aged couple that throws raucous parties 4 days a week? Have I mentioned them? Our backyards border each other, and shortly after we moved in they threw a party during which they put up a ladder and climbed to the roof. Actually, only the men-folk climbed up. They stood around, leaning on the chimney, and periodically yelled at the women-folk to toss them beers. And the women OBEYED! I don't know which behavior I was more appalled by.

I'll leave it there. It's a strange place sometimes, but I love it.

Helping

We were walking through the Mpls airport on our way home and this woman in front of us reached down and picked up a nickel. She turned around and said that she found a nickel and asked if Jack wanted it. He nodded and said "fank you!" She walked away and he looked up at me, beaming, and said "how did she know I'd want this?!"

He walked through the airport, carefully clutching his new nickel. When he went to the bathroom he made me hold his nickel - apparently none of the 19 pockets in his cargo shorts were good enough for Shiny New Nickel.

By the time we got the bags we were all completely done with traveling. My mom got really bad customer service throughout the airport, Jack had fallen and scraped his knee, Chuck's arms were going to fall off from carrying our 22 bags, Ryker was just pissy in general and I was pondering why there aren't more cases of Shaken Baby on plane rides and in airports.

As we tried to make our way from baggage claim to the taxis, my mom was pulling two bags, Chuck was holding the two biggest bags, and I was pushing Ryker in the stroller loaded with 4 bags while pulling a rolling suitcase. And yes, we packed too much.

I asked Jack to pull the small rolling suitcase. He argued. I told him that he needed to help the family.

"I *AM* helping! I'm carrying THIS!" he said, holding up Shiny New Nickel. I almost threw him across the hallway.

Photos

I uploaded a ton of photos from Beth's wedding to the Flickr site - click on the link to the right.

Beth's Wedding

Beth's wedding to Nik was SO great. I completely love Nik - he's fantastic. I love Nik and Beth together. I just love the whole thing. And the past weekend was a huge celebration of their relationship and both of our families. The love was so palpable.

In the lead-up to the wedding, I avoided writing about it for two reasons. First, it wasn't about ME. It was about Beth and Nik. I didn't want anything to distract from that. Second, I thought it might jinx it.

But in reality, for me, the wedding weekend had increased significance. And since this is my blog, and the wedding is over, I get to write about what it meant to me.

Beth asked me almost a year ago to be in her wedding. She called one day and I sat in my backyard as she told me how much I mean to her and how honored she would be if I would be in her wedding - and that the wedding would be in California. I remember sitting there and wanting so much to just be excited. JUST excited. But, as is so often the case with me, there was a companion emotion - anxiety. It's like a parasite - feeding off of my other emotions and keeping me from getting the full enjoyment out of things.

I told Beth that I would love to be in her wedding. It was true. Then I fell into a panic attack.

I decided that I really needed to get help for my panic disorder. I have seen therapists before, but none really helped me get better.

Soon thereafter, I found Dr. Tom. I can't remember if I've written about him on this blog before. Blog readers, meet Dr. Tom. He is fantastic. His whole practice focuses on anxiety and panic disorders. It's all he does. And he's good at it.

So I've seen Dr. Tom every week since the beginning of July 2009. In the first few appointments he made me make a hierarchy. That's a list of everything I normally avoid, with a corresponding ranking from 1 to 100 of how frightening that situation is for me. I tiered it, so I put some things on there that were only 20s or 30s, things that give me a moment of pause, but that I get through ok. Then there were 50s and 60s, things that freaked me out, but that I would be willing to do. The top two things on my list - at 90 and 100 - were standing in front of a group of people where I couldn't leave, and flying a long distance.

I've worked for 11 months now to get up the ladder. I've done countless "exposures," as they are called. I've put myself in situations that terrify me. I've had successes and failures. I've gotten better. My ultimate goal is to not let panic define my life. My shorter-term goal was to do this wedding. The wedding required a flight to California (3.5 hours), multiple group-outings and meals, and walking down the aisle and standing up in the wedding.

For a long time I didn't think I'd be able to do it. I felt like I was lying when I talked confidently to others about it. I felt like this was way above my threshold for tolerance of panic and its physical symptoms. I figured that I would say I would do it, but likely back out at the last minute.

I threw a massive tantrum in the airport waiting to board the plane to LAX. I really wanted to go home. I just didn't see how I could possibly do it.

But I got on that plane. I made it out there, helped my family get there. I did every single thing on the itinerary. I did the things that scared me, and I did them with minimal anxiety. I calmed OTHER people down as we waited to walk down the aisle. I walked, I stood. I loved standing up there for Beth. My legs weren't wobbly. My heart wasn't racing anymore than anyone else's. It was fantastic. Jack was the ring bearer and was ADORABLE coming down the aisle. I partied at the reception. And then I flew home today and was completely fine. Not a lick of panic.

I'm so proud of myself and of my family. I had a blast and was so grateful that I could do that for Beth, and moreover, that she and Christi and the rest of our families were there for me. I will always remember this weekend as a major milestone in my recovery. Oh, and the wedding was sweet. =)