New Olympic Events

I often think about new Olympic events that I would excel at. Here are a few examples.

• The Triathlon: Cooking dinner while doing dishes while carrying a rifle. I mean, breaking up fights. Non-violently.

• Wrestling Pursuit: Pursuing your child around the living room, through the kitchen, down the hall and into his room, then wrestling him onto his changing table and into a diaper with minimal bodily harm to either of you (points deducted if either of you ends up with anything gross on you).
  

• Diving: Diving to save your child, or other children, from any number of perils (falling off of the couch, touching something hot, falling into the fireplace, the other child's fist).
  

• Weight Lifting: But instead of lifting above your head or in front of you - you need to hold the 35 pound weight on one hip with one arm while carrying groceries in the other.

Ryker would be a shoe-in for gold in several current events. He can do the dead-lift (practicing with bins of toys, the ottoman, and packs of diapers) and he's a very good wrestler already. He can pin Jackson and seems to really understand the concept of keeping his hips low and his weight centered on top of his opponent. (I watch too much UFC.)

Jack would be great at anything having to do with shoveling. And as Grandpa suggested, I think curling would be ideal. He can heave Rocks down a patch of ice, or better yet, use a broom to sweep its path! Sounds just like him. He also seems to have pretty good form in basketball already.

I will nominate Chuck for any of the new events I proposed. I will NOT nominate him for traditional wrestling because he was no match for two tiny kids - check out the Flickr site for photos.