Feedings

Warning: If you are squeamish about nursing moms, or moms who nurse for a longer time than "normal," stop reading now. I'm serious - I don't want to make you uncomfortable. This post is more for me than anyone else.

So tonight was (I think) the end of nursing with Ryker. And yes, that means I nursed him until he was almost 18 months old. As I was putting him in bed I said to Chuck that that is the last time I feed a baby myself. That's a really surreal feeling, as it was one of the best things I have done. I felt like I wanted to write about the whole experience while it was still fresh in my mind.

I definitely planned to nurse my kids. In the beginning Jack and I had a rough time. For the first two weeks of his life, Jackson went 90 minutes on, 90 minutes off - all day and night long. We got him on a better schedule finally, but it was still hard. I remember crying during feedings - partially out of pain and partially out of frustration and a feeling of failure. Chuck kept encouraging me and getting me to go just one more week, and then another, and surely enough we found our rhythm. After awhile we started cutting out feedings one by one. I say "we" on purpose - I tried very hard to pay attention to what Jack seemed to need and feel comfortable with, and to do the same for myself. The weening was very natural. Finally we were down to just a morning feeding, which would only last a minute or two. We were in St. Louis and he started to nurse but sat up immediately, pointed at the kitchen and signed for milk. That was it. We were finished. He was fifteen months old and I was grateful for the experience.

With Ryker it was easy from the beginning. I knew what I was doing and he was a good eater. I was fully expecting to stop earlier than I did with Jack. I knew my time was much more limited, both because of having two kids and because of my job. But the months just flew by and we were still doing feedings. For quite awhile it was morning and night, and then in St. Louis (not sure what it is about that place) he stopped his morning feedings. We've still been doing the night feedings, until tonight. He sat in my lap and I got ready - but he sat back up and covered me up. And that was it with him.

I know that nursing is an incredibly personal decision, and that every mom and child must figure out what's best for them. For us, it worked. I've taken my share of criticism, seen glares, stares, and gaping mouths. But I listened to my kids, my husband, and myself and I'm proud of that.