Notes to People In Warmer Climates

First of all, let's get this out of the way - YES, I chose to live here and no, I'm not leaving any time soon. So you can just go ahead and NOT write that in the comments, okay? Okay then...

To set the stage: It is currently 2 degrees, with a wind chill of negative 8. Yesterday's high temperature was 2 degrees below zero. I can't find the wind chill yesterday, but the winds were gusting to 27 miles per hour, so I'd say it was significant.

So walking in to work today I was thinking about all the things that hearty Minnesotans get to experience that the rest of you don't, so I thought I'd share the love...

1. We plug our cars in. Okay, so I have never actually done this, until last night. But you can literally plug your car into a normal outlet with a normal extension cord. I was pretty sure that me and the cord were gonna drive to work this morning together, but Chuck kindly unplugged it before I left. Smart guy.

2. Your nose hairs freeze and stick together. It's odd and you find yourself making weird faces trying to unstick them. (You know you're making the faces now too, admit it.)

3. (LAURA T - If you're reading, skip this one. It's about eyes.) That membrane that covers your eyeball? That thing kinda freezes too. Weirder than the nose hair one, and I think that must be what the start of cataracts feels like.

4. Christi and Beth can attest to this - your jeans freeze. You get out of your car wearing jeans and after a short walk they have turned into cardboard pants.

5. It gets so cold that it's physically impossible for it to snow. When the snow falls, we consider that a warm-up.

6. Your teeth actually get cold. In your mouth. It's like eating ice cream only suckier and without the calories.

7. If your gym bag sits in your car all day while you're at work, your workout clothes get ridiculously cold and you start to see all means of creativity in the locker room. Some people simply put the cold clothes on, do the full-body shiver and then hop up and down for awhile cursing under their breath. Some throw their clothes, or entire bag, in the sauna for a few minutes. Today I found myself using the hair dryer on my gym shorts. I looked up and saw a few people staring, but I think they were secretly wishing they had thought of it first. 

8. Your freezer space increases 118-fold. Is that a thing? All winter you can put your hotdishes and lefsas in the garage and they stay nice and frigid.

9. Related to number 8 - you can NOT keep beer in the garage because it will freeze and explode. 

10. Schools close, sometimes, because the diesel fuel the buses use can "gel-up." Chuck taught me that one. I have no idea what it means. Email him.