So Many Thoughts

It seems appropriate that I should blog about the Connecticut tragedy, although I'm sure it'll be exceedingly random and frustratingly rambling.

First, all of these sorts of tragedies (and it sucks that there are enough of them to warrant a statement like "all of these sorts") make me sad. But this one. This one hit really close to home. I don't think I've shed tears over any of the other ones. But this one. I cried like a baby. I teared up on my way in to the school to get Jack from afterschool care. I cried watching Obama's press conference. I cried when Chuck brought Ryker home. I cried harder when Ryker pulled an attitude and wouldn't let me hug him.

This one hits ridiculously close to home. It struck me in a very sensorial (is that a word?) kind of way. I know what small kids look like and sound like when they are scared. I can picture it. I have a first grader. I know what first grade classrooms look like, sound like, smell like. I grew up in them because my mom was a first grade teacher, and I'm in one all the time now with Jack. I can picture that too. It also hit me as a person who has a mental health diagnosis myself, and as the mom of a kid who has some special needs that we're addressing with a counselor. So yeah, this one hit me hard.

There seem to be two general camps right now. One believes this is all about gun control. The other believes it's all about access to mental health care. I believe it's both. There are so many people who NEED care and who either can't get it, can't afford it, or just don't seek it out because of the stigma. I pay a LOT of money to see a counselor, and I am fortunate enough not to need to see him as often as some people do. Mental health care has got to change. Gun reform needs to happen. But I'm gonna steal from Morgan Freeman here. He said that the media's coverage, and our consumption, of these events is what tees the next one up. We treat it like it's a contest. This one "ranks" second. RANKS? We know the names of the shooters of Columbine, but try to name ONE victim... Can you? I can't.

Then there's the desensitization of our kids to violence. Today I was at a bowling party for Jack's classmate. The kids got bored after about the 6th frame and started chasing each other with their fingers pointed like guns, making shooting sounds. The ones that got "hit" put their hands around their throats, made choking noises, and then dropped to the ground laughing. The mom of the birthday boy and I were not okay with this, and spent the rest of the time keeping them from doing it. Jack and I left there and went to the library, where we saw a boy playing a computer game wherein he held a rifle and walked through a building shooting people. His dad was there watching him.

So many things are independently broken, but they are connected and together they have created a massive problem. And our babies and our nation are in trouble because of it. My heart hurts. All I know to do is help my children be good people, deal with their anger and sensitivity issues. I can be an advocate for destigmatizing mental illness. I can help my kids understand that kindness is key, and that violence is not an answer. And I can support anyone who needs it. (I just wrote a note to Jack's teacher saying I wasn't sure how this was hitting her, as a first grade teacher and mother, but that I hope she knows how much we all support her and are grateful that we can entrust our children to her every single day.)

I'll leave you with a random, goofy list to lighten things up.

Things I Never Thought I Would Have to Say, or Hear:

1. me: "Ryker, why are you bringing pencils to your bath?"
2. Jackson: "Mom, so you know how in Latin, ...."
3. me: "Ryker, stop combing your foot."
4. Jackson (at 7, remember): "Mom, can I please watch that program on King Tut An Khamun?"
5. Chuck: "Don't you want to rent Magic Mike in HD?"
6. me: "Ryker, do you think that prisoners get to play Pokemon?"