Things You Need Before Driving 550 Miles With a 3 Year Old and an Infant

You need a few things before heading out with a toddler and an infant.

First, you need to have another adult with you that is calm and sane and doesn't mind you being frustrated. Grandmommies work well. Second, you probably shouldn't call it an "adventure," or you're liable to hear "Momma, I don't like this benture anymore. I want to go home." And you'll be hearing that about 8 hours into the trip.

Oh, and you shouldn't be used to 8.5 hours for this trip - because it will take you 11. And for a period of time you should expect to go 20 miles in 45 minutes. There will be no inclement weather or bad traffic, just lots of potty breaks for the toddler and nursing breaks for the infant.

The other adult comes in handy for the nursing breaks, because then you can sit in the car, which is parked in a vacant lot that used to be a gas station. The other adult can take the toddler and make him run laps in the lot (to his pleasure) and then take him to talk to the trucker driver and the fixerman who is fixing his truck (to his even greater pleasure).

You need to stretch a lot, not because you'll have your legs cramped into a car, but because you'll be contorting your body to reach behind you the whole trip to pick up Mr. Potato Head limbs. 

Questions you should have an answer ready for:

"Momma, what your favorite color cow is?"

"Where St. Louis is?"

"Why we need be quiet?"

"Where TomTom is?"

"Where Daddy is?"

"Where my sunbrasses are?"

"Where my tractor is?"

"Momma, you see that policeman?"

"Please I have another fruit snack PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE??????"

Then be ready for your toddler to loose his mind. He'll hand you Mr. Potato Head and instruct you to ask him what he's doing. You'll say "What are you doing Mr. Potato Head?" and your toddler will say "Momma, what you say?" Then you and the other sane adult will laugh silently for awhile, because you are both kind of tired at this point. 

Shopping List:

earplugs, coffee, iPod, diapers, more than 3 baby outfits, and LOTS of Purell

But the other adult will safely guide you into St. Louis and then things will be nice and quiet and you will once again have clean bathrooms.