Happy Birthday Ryker

(Long Blog Post Alert - read at your own risk.)

One year ago tonight we had dinner at Fridays - Gaga, Grandmommy, Chuck, Jack and me. Chuck and Jack sat outside watching machines of some sort while the rest of us waited for our food to arrive. Then we sat around at the house. It would have been a normal night, except for the phone message we got.

"BEEP - Hi, this is Fairview Southdale Hospital calling for Jamie. Jamie, we are calling to remind you of your scheduled cesarean section tomorrow at 9am. Please arrive at the hospital at 7am, and don't eat after midnight. Thank you."

It was a good thing they called because I totally would have eaten dinner at 2am, slept late into the morning and gone for a manicure the next day, missing the birth of my child. Phew. A message well spent.

For weeks leading up to the scheduled delivery, I was worried that I would be panicky the night before or that morning. I actually had orders from my OB to take a Xanax or drink some beer the night before. I didn't need them though - I felt very peaceful. We awoke the morning of June 24, made sure Jack was settled with Grandmommy, and headed off to the hospital knowing that in 3 hours we'd meet our new baby.

We walked into the maternity ward. "May we help you?" "Umm, yes, I am here to have my child." So weird. They had renovated the hospital since we had Jack, and it was MUCH nicer! We had our own pre-op room with a flat-screen TV. We watched the Today Show. The nurses fluttered in and out getting paperwork ready. At one point they asked if I was allergic to latex and I said no, to which they replied with a series of other questions - was I allergic to chestnuts, avocados or kiwis? No, and were we going to have to list every substance known to man before I was allowed to have this baby already? I think she caught us snickering so she explained that it's common for people to be allergic to those things AND latex. Who knew?

While we marvelled at that fun fact, they brought in the scrubs that Chuck would have to wear in the Operating Room. She told him to go down the hall, take a left, take another left, click his heels three times and say the secret password to get into a small bathroom - change there - then come back. We both thought that was a bit strange, considering he could have just changed in the room if she had stepped out. Once he left, however, she started in with The Questions - the ones they can't ask with the partner/spouse around. Did I worry about going home? Were there any safety concerns? I laughed at first and said no, and then I got sad thinking about the women who have to say yes to those, or even worse, the women who need to say yes but can't. I felt grateful for my relationship with Chuck.

Around 9am they told me that I could go to the OR. I sat back on the bed preparing to be wheeled in, but no, they meant I would walk. I found that hysterical. I waddled my way over there and climbed up on the table. I felt so secure watching Dr. Pettit, my doctor, walk in. (She had been my OB/GYN for years but didn't get to deliver Jack.)

By the time Chuck came into the OR, I was prepped and ready to go. I was laughing about things and chatting away with my doc and the nurses. I think Chuck was more nervous than I was. Throughout the surgery the docs and nurses were talking about all sorts of things not related to the surgery. "Jamie - if we're talking about tee-ball, that means things are going well." After no time at all, I was holding my new baby boy.

Ryker Kelly Van Nostrand joined us on June 24th at 9:30am. He was 8 pounds 1 ounce and 20 inches long.

When I was putting Ryker to bed tonight I rocked with him for a long time, thinking about what the first year has meant. What came to mind was a saying that is used in one of my meditations. They tell you to find your "heart center" - where you experience emotions like love. I think that Chuck showed me how to trust in love and that Jack opened my heart to love in a new and overwhelming way. Ryker pulled it all together and helped define my heart center. As I rocked with him I could physically feel my love for my family.