Unexpected

When I pictured this last weekend, I pictured a couple of days filled with kid activities. I pictured us running around - Chuck and I scrambling to make sure everyone got where they needed to go exactly when they needed to be there. I pictured fun. I pictured a few meltdowns (of both the kid and adult variety).

We got all of that. We also got some wackiness and a bunch of unexpected twists and turns.

It started Friday night with the kids both agreeing to go to the Carleton men's basketball playoff game. If you know my kids in their present-day form you'll know why this is weird. They prefer to cuddle up on the couches for Pizza Friday and watch movies together. We traipsed off to St. Thomas, feeling like we were introducing the kids to our old, familiar MIAC days. Only St. Thomas has now built what looks like a small airport terminal on their campus where the parking lot used to be. So that was weird.

Saturday we went to karate. Normal.

Saturday afternoon Jack had to come with me to my basketball game. He's never done that before. I have my game-face on, playing with dudes and trying not to get dunked on. Also trying not to throw my back out and show how old I am. I'm hitting shots and getting steals, helping us on a 15-0 run to bring the game within 5 points with 5 minutes remaining. And then I hear "Momma. Momma. Momma. Momma." Jack is standing 2 inches from the sideline, right next to me. And he wants to talk about who is winning and who is losing. So that was weird.

Saturday afternoon we went to the "carnival" at Jack's school. Quotations used purposefully. To be fair, it was hosted by the church that the school leases their space from, not by the actual school. But it was promoted by the school. The posters and flyers said "carnival" from 2:30 to 3:45 and then "show" from 3:45-5. There were top hats and magicians' wands. The carnival lived up to it's name, full of bouncy houses and games and face-painting and popcorn. Then everything abruptly stopped. They kicked kids out of line and packed up the karaoke machine and told everyone it was time to go to the sanctuary. The school puts on performances there so I didn't think much of it. They had the spotlights circling, beach balls flying through the crowd, music playing, and mic'd clowns running around on stage. They welcomed us all there, then told us it was time for worship. I'll skip the full story and just finish by saying that the school will get a letter from me later this week, telling them they need to be more careful with the things they are promoting, and asking them to kindly use more descriptive language than "show." Call it "worship" or "service" and I'd know to guide the children out of there before getting their hopes up and then confusing them. We did have a good talk on the walk home about what happened, and why it made us feel uncomfortable.

Sunday we went to our first karate tournament. That seemed normal at the start - Jack did his basic forms and got his very first trophy. Then we were sitting around waiting for the black belt stuff to start - and I began people-watching. Turns out that karate draws a very, very odd assortment of participants. There are people of all shapes and sizes and seemingly abilities, and then you look down and realize they are a 3rd degree black belt. It was fascinating. And the spectators were equally strange and had zero sense of personal space. The adults kept bumping into me, kicking me when I was sitting on the floor, and pushing my chair from behind. The children kept hugging Jack and Ryker and patting me on my knee.

The black belt team championships were amazing though. Serious athletes there. We got to see his school's director compete in a form competition. Then we stayed to watch one of his teachers compete in team sparring. I've seen some sparring, but that was only practice. This was for real. Mr. Schneider is a young, athletic kid who is animated and wonderful with the kids. In the ring, he was a beast, until he got knocked down three feet in front of us. He didn't pop right back up, but laid flat on his back. His face was twisted in pain and he wasn't moving one arm. I glanced over at it, and shouldn't have. I'll skip this full story too, and finish by saying that moms were covering their kids' eyes and I sprinted out of there, to my car, and sped home.

At least there weren't as many meltdowns as I had imagined.

Notes to People In Warmer Climates

First of all, let's get this out of the way - YES, I chose to live here and no, I'm not leaving any time soon. So you can just go ahead and NOT write that in the comments, okay? Okay then...

To set the stage: It is currently 2 degrees, with a wind chill of negative 8. Yesterday's high temperature was 2 degrees below zero. I can't find the wind chill yesterday, but the winds were gusting to 27 miles per hour, so I'd say it was significant.

So walking in to work today I was thinking about all the things that hearty Minnesotans get to experience that the rest of you don't, so I thought I'd share the love...

1. We plug our cars in. Okay, so I have never actually done this, until last night. But you can literally plug your car into a normal outlet with a normal extension cord. I was pretty sure that me and the cord were gonna drive to work this morning together, but Chuck kindly unplugged it before I left. Smart guy.

2. Your nose hairs freeze and stick together. It's odd and you find yourself making weird faces trying to unstick them. (You know you're making the faces now too, admit it.)

3. (LAURA T - If you're reading, skip this one. It's about eyes.) That membrane that covers your eyeball? That thing kinda freezes too. Weirder than the nose hair one, and I think that must be what the start of cataracts feels like.

4. Christi and Beth can attest to this - your jeans freeze. You get out of your car wearing jeans and after a short walk they have turned into cardboard pants.

5. It gets so cold that it's physically impossible for it to snow. When the snow falls, we consider that a warm-up.

6. Your teeth actually get cold. In your mouth. It's like eating ice cream only suckier and without the calories.

7. If your gym bag sits in your car all day while you're at work, your workout clothes get ridiculously cold and you start to see all means of creativity in the locker room. Some people simply put the cold clothes on, do the full-body shiver and then hop up and down for awhile cursing under their breath. Some throw their clothes, or entire bag, in the sauna for a few minutes. Today I found myself using the hair dryer on my gym shorts. I looked up and saw a few people staring, but I think they were secretly wishing they had thought of it first. 

8. Your freezer space increases 118-fold. Is that a thing? All winter you can put your hotdishes and lefsas in the garage and they stay nice and frigid.

9. Related to number 8 - you can NOT keep beer in the garage because it will freeze and explode. 

10. Schools close, sometimes, because the diesel fuel the buses use can "gel-up." Chuck taught me that one. I have no idea what it means. Email him.

King Jack

If you follow me on Facebook, you already know this, but I'll elaborate here. Jack won four awards in school in the last three days. This is significant for a lot of reasons, but mainly because he has worked so hard at it. I think some people (even readers here, I'd guess) have kids for whom behavior has never been a problem. It's one of those "You Can't Know What It's Like Until You're There" things, to be a parent of a kid who really struggles in that area.

He's had his eye on the Classroom VIP since he stepped foot at Seven Hills (his new school). It's the highest honor they bestow upon the students - and every class does it every week of school. Jack has ebbed and flowed with his behavior in the classroom and has not received the award.

In gym class they give a VIP as well, and Jack won that earlier in the year. Then behavior stuff got hard again and he didn't get any more. We work REALLY hard with him on all of this - I won't go into it all here, but trust me that the caps-lock on "really" was intentional and well-earned. So we took a deep breath and kept at it. He kept mentioning the classroom VIP, even saying the other week that he thought he was going to get it. I knew he wasn't, because I was having daily email conversations with his teacher about his behavior. It broke my heart and Jack got to learn the words "discouraged" and "disappointed" and the difference between the two.

He had a good day on Friday, and Monday, and again Tuesday, and the hopes started going up (on both of our parts, I'm not gonna lie) that this might be the week. On Wednesday he got the gym VIP again, and a Great Work ticket in math class. That's another way they reward good behavior.

I picked him up Friday and we were walking down the hallway and he goes "so...I got the VIP."

I literally dropped my bag on the ground and said "SHUT. UP." (I'm a great role model.) I was stunned. He was beaming.

I tried to tackle him but he's too strong for me so I had to settle for a really big bear hug. He also got another Great Work ticket. Four awards in three days - all of them behavior-related. Amazing.

Missing

We were playing that game at dinner where you draw a card and it has a question on it and you ask the question to the family and everyone gets to answer. We had done a couple of them and then we drew one that said "Who do you miss?" We each answered and then it was Chuck's turn. I said "Daddy, who do YOU miss?" And Ryker quietly goes "please say me."

Time Off for Good Behavior

Camp Grandmommy - the Winter Edition. Chuck and I left the kids with her in StL last Thursday and headed back up to Minnesota. We bought (well, leased) a car, cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen and living room and entryway, scanned hundreds of our documents into the computer and then shredded the paper-trail, folded loads of laundry, slept a lot, saw movies (the Hobbit for Chuck and Les Mis for me), hung out with friends, and had a Harry Potter movie-marathon.

The bulk of my time, though, was spent in the kids' bedrooms.

TERRIBLE.

I had this stance for awhile that they are big enough to clean their own rooms and that if I helped them, it was doing them a disservice. The last 48 hours, I've paid dearly for that decision.

The upside to filling three bags of trash and two bags of recycling is that you get another view of your kids. For instance, Ryker really, really loves his brother - he saves tiny pieces of paper that Jack gives him. He also is a hoarder of cups, writing implements, and Chapstick. Jackson likes to roll up a bunch of pieces of paper and then tape them together, and he is sentimental. He has kept all kinds of work from the last two years of schooling, awards, positive notes home from teachers, stories he's written and things he and I have drawn. I'd say that he only has them because he doesn't throw ANYTHING away, but they were in remarkably pristine condition, and sometimes stapled together into collections.

The kids return tomorrow. We'll have to stop watching movies so loudly, the new car will be introduced to Fruit Snacks and kid-sized footprints, the dust bunnies will roll once more. But I want to hug my babies, so I'll allow it. =)

So Many Thoughts

It seems appropriate that I should blog about the Connecticut tragedy, although I'm sure it'll be exceedingly random and frustratingly rambling.

First, all of these sorts of tragedies (and it sucks that there are enough of them to warrant a statement like "all of these sorts") make me sad. But this one. This one hit really close to home. I don't think I've shed tears over any of the other ones. But this one. I cried like a baby. I teared up on my way in to the school to get Jack from afterschool care. I cried watching Obama's press conference. I cried when Chuck brought Ryker home. I cried harder when Ryker pulled an attitude and wouldn't let me hug him.

This one hits ridiculously close to home. It struck me in a very sensorial (is that a word?) kind of way. I know what small kids look like and sound like when they are scared. I can picture it. I have a first grader. I know what first grade classrooms look like, sound like, smell like. I grew up in them because my mom was a first grade teacher, and I'm in one all the time now with Jack. I can picture that too. It also hit me as a person who has a mental health diagnosis myself, and as the mom of a kid who has some special needs that we're addressing with a counselor. So yeah, this one hit me hard.

There seem to be two general camps right now. One believes this is all about gun control. The other believes it's all about access to mental health care. I believe it's both. There are so many people who NEED care and who either can't get it, can't afford it, or just don't seek it out because of the stigma. I pay a LOT of money to see a counselor, and I am fortunate enough not to need to see him as often as some people do. Mental health care has got to change. Gun reform needs to happen. But I'm gonna steal from Morgan Freeman here. He said that the media's coverage, and our consumption, of these events is what tees the next one up. We treat it like it's a contest. This one "ranks" second. RANKS? We know the names of the shooters of Columbine, but try to name ONE victim... Can you? I can't.

Then there's the desensitization of our kids to violence. Today I was at a bowling party for Jack's classmate. The kids got bored after about the 6th frame and started chasing each other with their fingers pointed like guns, making shooting sounds. The ones that got "hit" put their hands around their throats, made choking noises, and then dropped to the ground laughing. The mom of the birthday boy and I were not okay with this, and spent the rest of the time keeping them from doing it. Jack and I left there and went to the library, where we saw a boy playing a computer game wherein he held a rifle and walked through a building shooting people. His dad was there watching him.

So many things are independently broken, but they are connected and together they have created a massive problem. And our babies and our nation are in trouble because of it. My heart hurts. All I know to do is help my children be good people, deal with their anger and sensitivity issues. I can be an advocate for destigmatizing mental illness. I can help my kids understand that kindness is key, and that violence is not an answer. And I can support anyone who needs it. (I just wrote a note to Jack's teacher saying I wasn't sure how this was hitting her, as a first grade teacher and mother, but that I hope she knows how much we all support her and are grateful that we can entrust our children to her every single day.)

I'll leave you with a random, goofy list to lighten things up.

Things I Never Thought I Would Have to Say, or Hear:

1. me: "Ryker, why are you bringing pencils to your bath?"
2. Jackson: "Mom, so you know how in Latin, ...."
3. me: "Ryker, stop combing your foot."
4. Jackson (at 7, remember): "Mom, can I please watch that program on King Tut An Khamun?"
5. Chuck: "Don't you want to rent Magic Mike in HD?"
6. me: "Ryker, do you think that prisoners get to play Pokemon?"

Bad Blogger

2 months since my last post? Really??? Crap. Sorry y'all.

Okay, we'll do this update-style. It's gonna read a little like a novel and a little like a newsletter.

Ryker:
He had his holiday performance this week. Always a highlight, and also a surprise because we're never sure if he's going to stand perfectly still and not say a word or if he's going to sing his heart out. This time around, it was the latter. He ROCKED it, which is funny given that a few weeks ago he asked me to legally change his name to Rockstar.

He continues to be hilarious at home, loves singing and dancing and being a goof. He has learned to write his name, both forwards and normal-looking and backwards and mirror-imaged. I have no idea why he does that or how he taught himself but it's kind of interesting to watch him do it. YOU try to write your name in a mirror-image. Not easy.

We had a bit of a behavior situation with him for awhile, but nothing that a cubic-ton of stickers and some parental strategy couldn't fix. Knock on wood, but I think we've handled it.

Jackson:
He is rocking the faster pace at Seven Hills, but also seems bored still. And when Jack gets bored, it's not a pretty picture. His teacher is awesome and has regular communication with me so we're working on it, but the kid is just too bright and too easily frustrated for his own good. We are working with him on it. He is writing a ton, reading some, and creating his own math problems. The other day we were playing with cars and he told me he wanted us to take turns and then explain why our cars went the distance they went. (Chuck works in analytics.) So we did that and then I told him about the marble shooter my friend and I made in high school and he patiently listened and then told me exactly how I could have made it better.

The other side of Jack - when he's not bored or dealing with some frustrations - is this amazingly sweet and thoughtful and caring little man. He wrote me the cutest note the other night, as well as one for Chuck and one for Ryker. Then another night I went to bed and tripped over a note he taped to the carpet for me to find. It was for my buddy Sean, who is really sick and has been for awhile. We talk about Sean and his family a lot, but hadn't talked about him for awhile. The note was addressed to Sean and told him that he hopes he feels better soon and that he knows he can do it! Soooo sweet.

He, too, had a performance at school. It was awesome. He was nervous but got up and sang and did his thing. So proud! Ryker about had a coronary when he spotted him. He is literally a head taller than everyone else, so he's not hard to spot. Plus he's the adorable one.

Siblings:
They are brothers and they act like it. Case in point, I'm sitting here blogging and Chuck comes out and tells me that when he was driving the kids to his holiday party tonight Jack was going "Abracadabra - poof - ..." and then making things disappear. Then he goes "Abracadabra - poof! Ryker's not annoying!" Not the nicest thing to say, I know. Ryker cracks up laughing and goes "hahahaha - I'm STILL annoying!" then waits a few beats and then goes "you're not cool."

So yeah. We deal with a lot of that sort of thing, and try really hard not to laugh.

Chuck:
Chuck's on this crazy weigh-loss tear. He's working hard and now having to buy all new clothes because he doesn't fit into anything anymore. Work is good. We are maybe going to have to buy a new car, so he spends a bunch of time looking at those and trying not to stress about taking on a car payment. We got to go on a vacation a few weeks back (thanks Grandmommy!) and had a very nice, relaxing, quiet weekend at a lake in central Minnesota. Ahhhh.

Me:
The kids' stuff is listed above, but obviously it takes a lot of energy to keep up with both of them and help them through their behavior stuff.

I continue to be amazingly grateful to have the friends that I do (hi friends!) and my fun and supportive and awesome family (hi family!). And I've made some new friends, which is awesome and fun and they are just about the coolest people on the planet.

Work is nuts. Absolutely nuts. I've spent the last week hanging out with a world-renowned culinary historian who happens to be the world's nicest and most interesting man. He took a shining to me and I think I now have a place to stay in England whenever I get over there. I learned to make Grand Sallets, Taffety Tarts, and some sort of very firm marmalade. I learned how one would have eaten in the Tudor era, and I also got to hang out with one of our amazing trustees and her husband and it was awesome. I'm crazy, crazy busy though, and exhausted.

So yeah, that's about it. Happy Holidays to all of you if I don't post before then!